Just another day in paradise

I'm so tired this morning. My day off was just as busy as a day at work! It was productive though so that's what matters, right? So today my mind keeps going back to a conversation a coworker and I had. A few weeks ago we had a patient code and you have to keep all of the parafanaila for lack of a better word, for so long after they pass. When I went to work and saw it all in the fridge it stopped me in my tracks. For as long as I've been in the medical field it never seems like death gets any easier for me. It's almost like my mind can't wrap it's self around the concept of here one minute and dead the next. Anyway, as I stood there looking at their blood I was like wow. They are gone and this is what's left of them. Life is in the blood and this is what's left of their life. Somber.

Anyways, so as I was talking to a coworker about it they said so since you believe life is in the blood, do you think that's where the soul lies? Humm. I had to think about it and at first I was like ok. But then I decided that I don't know if I agree. I guess if you had to place a phyisicallity to a soul I might be inclined to agree but, the soul lives on after life so where does that leave it? Just something I keep thinking about today.

Before I lay my head to rest, I just have to get this off my chest....

Today was such a productive day. I took my cupcake to see her grandma and cleaned and vacuumed my car out. But while she was taking her nap I found out something hurtful. I trusted this girl a few months ago with some personal things I was going through. Sadly today I found out she wasn't a loyal person. :( It made me so sad. I pondered on it through out the day and 4 loads of laundry, changing sheets on 3 beds and a grocery run I came to this conclusion: I'm sorry I trusted you but I feel even sorrier for you. God is coming back so fast. Blink your eye, that's how fast. In the blink of an eye. Wow. I have bigger things to worry about. Perspective can be a funny thing huh? I went through really wanting to give her a piece of my mind to my feelings being really hurt....a series of emotions but, I'm settled.

Good night world!

Heavy day off

I saw some one die today.

How do you even follow that sentence up?!? As I lay here in bed I sigh heavily and finally ponder what my mind has been chewing on all day. I know that when this man woke up this morning he didn't think about this being his last day living. As he got dressed I'm sure he didn't take into consideration about what clothes he should wear to die in today. I'm sure he wasn't checking his watch as he went through his morning saying to himself well, only a few more hours left till 11:29am and I will be laying on the side of the road, while a stranger performs CPR on me.

Death is mean. It doesn't get old or age. It doesn't care if you're ready or not when it comes.

I feel almost disgusted at the thought of saying "hold the ones you love a little tighter tonight"

I prayed for this man as I watched CPR being performed. When I saw them stop, I prayed for his family. To say I feel sad doesn't begin to decribe how I feel at the massive jumble of thoughts running through my head.

It's been a long time since I've blogged but I think to sort things out I will start again.

All my love.

Nostalgia

As I am sitting here on my bedroom floor, packing boxes to move back to Kansas City, a big title wave of nostalgia hit me. It wasn't just a wave from one place in my life, it was from like 20 different places. I just wanted to write about a couple of them, just to get my thoughts out, maybe organized.

One feeling was about NYC and how in the last year it's shaped me, my marriage and so many things about my life. It's been quite the ride. The first year of marriage was HARD. I don't think anything that anyone could have said could have prepared me for it lol. Now that we are learning how to settle into it and having a baby and I am looking back on my year here in NYC I see a lot of growth to be appreciative of that I wouldn't have had probably any where else. I am thankful for it and hope that I don't look back. I don't want to be the same or digress. I hope I continue to grow and become strong. I also hope that I can use what I learned to help others, I NEVER want someone to know or have to deal too long with the feeling of loneliness I had so deep within me. I also want people to learn from example the lesson of how when we walk down the street in such a big city you don't have a choice but to rub shoulders with the rich and famous, the poor and homeless, criminals and most likely angels. People in smaller towns don't get to do that and I think we all should. I am going to make a point to serve more when I get back. In places you might not be caught dead in but I'll be there. I may not succeed in all capacities but I am going to try. It isn't contagious, it's precious because I learned a LONG time ago courtesy of Tim and Trish Sanders and Life Church in Houston that when you love the people that no one wants to love, God places the people that everyone loves in your life.

Another wave was about God. I am packing to Hillsong's song This is Our God. Powerful song. As I was listening to it I thought about when I was little and what was preached to me as a little girl. I am amazed where God as brought me from. He's freed me from man and his opinion and ruling. He's brought me to a place where I am learning to trust in him and what the meaning of leaning on him is. "It isn't God I need you NOW, I'm in trouble again I need you to get me out of this." It's this prevailing feeling that he is with you at all times, not just when you need him. It's that he is sweet enough to love you, even when you don't love yourself. I know a lot of people, maybe even people who I am closest to may not believe in him; but when you feel him he is undeniable. I don't even mind if you do or if you don't. I care yes about your soul but you are the one missing out. This is our God, this is who he is. As I was walking down the street today I heard a loud siren type of noise that sounded almost musical. For the first time in my life I wondered what song Gabriel will choose to play at the sound of the trumpet. I understood WHY it would and could be a precious sound. I get a little indignant when I think of how people can be. Don't EVER tell me my God isn't the same as yours, unless you worship the devil. He is RULER of ALL. That's our God, that's who he is. We share something so powerful and even if I don't like you as a person, we can worship under the same roof because he is OUR God. He is just and even when people don't see right or wrong, he DOES. I am so vulnerable to wrong doing but he, he is PERFECT. I can only hope that my life is one that he loves and start to make changes in my life shaped by his heart and direction.

Sometimes I think I blog because when I go back and read what I wrote I am reminded of how I felt and it puts me in check. I can't wait to see the people I love and move home.

See you SOON!

Lunch time blog!

I walk through the streets with million and 12 thoughts. When I sit down to blog they all run away and hide! I think I will start bringing my laptop to work and blogging at lunch.

So my thoughts lately are on this: all people really want is just not to be alone. Whether it’s your freak flag you are flying or something you need some one else to "get you" on, you just want to know that you are not the only one flying one or that someone else has one too.

I feel like I need to start a section of my blog titled: "What's nuts about this city today..." haha! I see some CRAZY things. This morning I saw a girl about 15 years old maybe getting out of a cab in front of a building that had a doorman. She had this confusing look on her face like she never opened a cab door for herself before. SERIOUSLY?????? This IS on Park Avenue but STILL!!!!!!!!! I wanted to shake the poor thing. When the doorman, who couldn't really see her, realized she was there he was falling all over himself apologizing for not opening the door. I wanted to shoot him for himself. That can not be a full filling career.....??

So my Mommo comes to see me in 14 days, 8 hours and 47 mins. I am a wee bit excited if you couldn't tell!!!!!!!!!! Agh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in Starbucks blogging and this really adorable special needs guy just came in and went up to the register. The girl up there was so nice to him it made my heart smile. GO Starbucks barista! ;) It reminded me of how Jonathon deemed my mom the special needs minister and service patrol of TLC and I giggled. Ugh. I miss my Boo Boo.

Well, it took me a little while to find this Starbucks so now I have to get back to work but I will do more lunch time blogs!

All my love,
Iz

Frustrations.

Ugh. I hate this city right now. I hate that “shot shot, shot shot shot” is unmelodiously (I might have made that word up) playing outside with base shaking my windows. A bunch of drunk people with no awareness that people LIVE here screaming sluridly (yes, I did just make that word up) WOOOOO HOOOOOO just because they can. Yes, I am aware this makes me sound like the fun natzi and I am really not. I am just tired of this CONSTANT noise. I don’t know how people thrive off CONTINUOUS insanity and chaos. I have to have my quiet at times and where I usually have it is my home. A place I can go to and just breathe. I am not saying I want complete silence. I wouldn’t mind an occasional honking horn, siren or bass playing a little too loud but we are talking an around the clock, cease less noise of the following: ruckus, music blaring, screaming, yelling, people fighting, drunk people cussing each other out, a GIANT bus running it’s engine, motor cycles, not just honking but when one car honks at LEAST 4 follow in suite, or someone just LAYING on their horn. Imagine if this were all in your drive way. Either that or let’s just say that EVERY Friday night you had a incessant line of traffic outside your house with each car blaring their music and EVERY car had different music playing, not all even in the same language (not that it even matters at this point.) You can’t sleep with your windows open because there would be no sleep.

Maybe it’s friday night and I am just being too old fashioned or my age has caught up with me and I am just old and need to be taken to the funny farm. More than anything I am just downloading.

Believe it or not I DO like living here. I guess it’s just days like this when someone close to you in your life has a bad day then it makes your day bad too. It’s nice having someone to share things with but I guess this is when you realize that your mood strongly and directly effects others in an immediate facet.

Ahhhh. I already feel better.

Your name just might be in this ;)

I am.....bay far.......the MOST sentimental person I know. I wish I weren't sometimes but other times I face the truth of it. I am, by far, the most sentimental person I know. I wish I remembered HALF of the things I walk around thinking about and it crosses my mind "I should blog that!" and when I sit down to blog I think "what was I thinking about again?"

I just watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy (I can see some of the smirking now) and my heart is so full. It's not because of the show, we all know the drama and some of us just waller' in it haha. It was the Christmas episode from season 6 and it was SO heartfelt. It made me laugh and feel the feelings that only Christmas can bring. It's almost unexplainable but let me try a little. It's this feeling of hope that makes your heart rise to the top of your chest cavity. It swells with the sweetest, most pure love that a human can offer. To see it would be to look at the most tremendous sparkle, so blindingly bright but you can't take your eyes off the beauty of it. The most vivid of colors that make your eyes thankful for sight. A gratefulness for the simple things. *sigh* It makes you want to give what you have to offer, the best of yourself. Being a medical show it reminds me of why I want to further my career, to give the best that I can to people. To bring healing in various forms, what a gift.

We walked to Central Park today, Molly LOVED it. She almost pulled me into the lake chasing the ducks. We watched people ice skate. This little boy, about 1 year old with the sweetest little cheeks, brown eyes and a ring around his mouth of hot chocolate fell in LOVE with Molly and they played. It was peaceful. I see why people love Central Park so much. It's a break. It made me think and ask myself who are you when people aren't watching? I wondered as people passed are you still little Ms. Tough, hide your heart because it's been so hurt? Are you Mr. Macho because of the pain of losing something or trying to keep up? The summation of my thought was sometimes, you have to lose till you win and start it all over again. Sometimes, you just have to believe it will be alright again. I had a friend tell me one time years ago "When you hear faith is blind, it's true. Sometimes you have to have faith, even when you can't see it." it's REALLY stuck with me. I didn't say these thoughts were organized, I just offered to share them haha. They somehow have an arch of relevance in my mind. ;)

Everyone knows my relationship with church has changed. I haven't been ready to talk about it till now. I still don't know exactly what to say but I will say this: I believe in the doctrine I have been raised with. I strongly agree with the salvation. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is returning. I am reading The Case For A Creator. I am praying for some clarification for some things. Heaven help us all. ;)

I look at my husband who is sitting across the room as I type this, playing the piano. He's talented and brilliant and did I mention hot? *wink* I lit this cherries jubilee candle that my precious mother-in-law sent us for Valentines day and my dog who is the sweetest thing in existence is laying on the couch full from a snack I made her and my heart is beyond brimming with love and hope and feelings of goodness.

I miss Jonathon right now. *sigh* I can talk to him about something as deep as the meaning of life or laugh about an inside joke. I miss Becca, aka Houston. Just the thought of her makes me smile. I miss Pyle. Her advice and our chats. I of course miss my family. I miss Patsy's hugs and kisses and most of all hearing her pray. I miss riding with Syd and talking about horse bidness'. I miss the smell of grass, and seeing it, even if it's yellow. I miss seeing stars, I hope they still exist lol. I miss Shirley and her wealth of knowledge and her patience to teach and ability to talk to anyone who will listen. I miss MC's sweet smile and voice. I miss Starla, for too many reasons, that's a whole blog in and of it's self. I miss Kim, the person that can relate to ANYTHING I say because she's an amazing friend like that. I miss Drea who offers the most unconditional love of anyone I know. I miss Jess, her heart of gold and humor that can knock my breath away and her loyalty. I miss the Sanders and laughing with them and playing with Owen and DJ. These are just a few things that I miss at the moment. :)

I think my occipital protuberance is crooked today lol. I know that my nose is crooked everyday but maybe that's what's wrong with me, either that or maybe it's a full moon. Which makes me think of Rainey. Miss sharing with you girl. :) Do the full moon dance for me. ;)

Till next time........

Love,

Iz

This was from 1/26/11 at 11:30am ish

"I just saw a man riding a uni cyle in Times Square"

I'm trying something new; blogging on the subway. Before I came down the title of this blog is true. I also saw a "woman" that I'm pretty sure was a man dressed as a woman in these HUGE blue surgical shoes. It's snowing today. We are supposed to get like 5 inches. I also saw a man biting his scarf. Does that make you less cold? Welcome to Times Square.

I am on my way to an appointment to get my hip taken care of. I've been in some pain with it so hopefully this will clear some of that up.

Here's my NYC thought or lesson for this morning: put your chap stick on BEFORE you leave the house.

That's it for now!

NYC and other thoughts. It's a long one folks......

I love my name. My last name was just changed. I am still getting used to it because it’s only been 3 months.

I love God, although my relationship with him has changed. I don’t really know why I am writing this. I suppose it’s to get a look at myself.

I love music, all kinds. I love Gospel, Hip hop, R&B, Jazz, even classical. I hate heavy metal or music that has bad lyric’s or ones I can’t understand because they are screaming them, stripping their voice.

I am too sensitive but that also allows me to see and sense things that most people can’t. I wonder if that’s appreciated by anyone or if it’s just an annoyance to everyone, including me.

I love mango ice tea and am sad they don’t sell it at sonic anymore. I miss sonic. I hate when people call it Sonics. I also hate when people call Wal-mart, Wal-marts or say mines instead of mine. Only one person has ever gotten away with it and that’s Jodi. I think that’s only because I used to tease her so much about it and she would laugh and that would make me laugh. I miss Wal-mart and Sonic.

It’s an odd feeling knowing that you don’t just get into your car, drive down the road, get to where you want to go, get what you want, load it up and drive home. I miss my car.

I almost look at the people here in a car with this bitterness because they are in this warm, safe environment that they can listen to their music out loud, they are out of the elements. They control the temperature lol. It’s a childish thing but I am sure I will get over it.

There really is no feeling like walking. There is also a relief in not having a car payment and insurance. I guess I am just feeling both ends of the spectrum.

I almost don’t like the feeling of realizing something so strongly. You know, when you realize WHY you feel the way you do about something. The other day I was out with a friend and I realized why I felt the way I did about some things. I was filled with regret, sadness, disappointment, anger and hurt. You don’t want it to be true, you wished you never realized it. Then, it slowly comes into focus why you are realizing this. I don’t know the point yet, but I am working on it. That might be a different blog.

I hate being misunderstood. If you know me very well you know I will talk until I almost or actually succeed at driving you nuts till you understand what I am saying. It’s annoying I know but how do you get people to understand you unless you do it till you feel like they understand?

I had my groceries delivered this morning. That was an odd feeling. It’s almost a relief because it’s only 10 degrees outside and even though I feel guilty for not going to get them, thinking about having to haul them home in 10 degree weather just makes me weighed down and distraught lol.

The sink in our kitchen drips ALL the time, a constant drip. It’s annoying. Bo says it’s like Chinese water torture and even though I am not sure what exactly that entails I agree.

People are nice here. New Yorkers are not mean, just a different breed and they all understandeach other. I read this blog and this is the TRUEST article I have read in my 3 weeks of living here.

NYC has the most extreme benefits to it, but it also requires the most extreme concessions in order to get those benefits. This makes sense. It’s how most of life is. So in order to understand how good a fit you’d be in NYC, you don’t need to look at the benefits – we all want the benefits of NYC. What you need to look at is what you give up.

Here are three questions to ask yourself. You need to answer yes to at least two in order to be a good fit in NYC.

1. Are you a maximizer?

Optimizers are people who are always looking for the best of everything. You know if you are this kind of person because you are never complacent. You are always trying to find if there is something better. It could be a someone who cuts bangs better, a better pickup basketball game, you keep trading up boyfriends, maximizers are always looking for something better, and they usually get greatness in their lives in many aspects. Non-maximizers can be satisfied with what they have. Each of us falls somewhere on this spectrum. New Yorkers skew heavily to strong maximizers.

This is because you can find pretty much the best of everything in NYC. (Yes, maybe there are some things, like the best ski slope, that you cannot find there, but if that’s what you want most, you probably shouldn’t be in NYC.)

I know you have heard that NYC is expensive. But you will never really know how insanely expensive it is until you live there. It’s like having children. Everyone will tell you having kids is really, really hard. Harder than anything they’ve ever done. And everyone will also say that after all those warnings, they still were not prepared for how hard it was when the baby came. This is what money is like in NYC – you absolutely cannot imagine how expensive it is there until you are there, living day to day.

So New Yorkers constantly have to ask themselves: What am I paying so much for? What am I suffering so much for? Life in NYC is very hard, and if you go to any city in the US, there is a bond that ex-New Yorkers have because they know they each understand how hard life was.

I say this to tell you that the only way to justify the cost and hardship of NYC is because you’re an optimizer. You appreciate having access to the best of things. Not everything – you probably have a few things that are really important to you. And you’re willing to trade off a lot of comforts to get it.

2. Do you want to be at the top of your field (or marry someone like that)?

In many cases, people have to work in NYC in order to rise to the top in their field. (Or, they want to marry someone like this – NYC is a very competitive place to find a husband but only because women recognize that the pickings are superior: Maximizing knows no bounds.)

Wanting to be at the top of your field is not for everyone. Business Week reports that eighty percent of generation Y thinks they are in the top ten percent of all workers. So a bunch of you are overestimating your capabilities, right? But the truth is that NYC is very, very competitive, because it's a magnet for ambitious, strong performers, and if you are not in the top, you will probably not do very well there. So if you do not go to NYC thinking you will work your way to the top of your field, you probably don’t need to be going there for your work.

And, of course, you do not necessarily have to live in NYC to work in NYC, but in order to get a substantially lower cost of living, you would have to move pretty far from the city. This is why New York has the longest commute times of anywhere in the country. This is a fine line to walk, though, because long commutes do a lot of damage to one’s ability to be happy. So you are probably better off paying to high price to live closer to work if you want to get to the top of your field.

3. Do you value an interesting life over happy life?

New Yorkers are not known for being happy. In fact, they are known for being unhappy, and they don’t care.

On balance, New Yorkers understand that most people who are happy are complacent – they like the status quo. And people who like what they have do not do innovative things to change the world. They like the world just fine how it is. This is probably why 95% of New Yorkers voted democrat in the last presidential election. Republicans are typically happier with their lives than democrats. And most New Yorkers are maximizers, and maximizers are almost never happy.

New Yorkers think an interesting life is more important than a happy life. What you really pay for with the exorbitant cost of living and the hard lifestyle is to be surrounded by strong performers, huge ambitions, and constant need for change and innovation. To live in New York City, you have to trade happiness for this. To most New Yorkers, it’s a no-brainer. They would take that trade any day. To most people outside of New York City the trade-off is crazy.

I don’t know if I will ever be a New Yorker but I will tell you that I am enjoying being me today. I will be honest, there are some days I don’t make it outside. There have even been a couple days where I haven’t made it out of bed really. The good news is it has gotten better. There are some great things that have happened since I’ve been here and I’ve had some great days. I am more thankful for them than I could put into words.

There is some GREAT shopping here. I have found a couple REALLY cute skirts for $9.99 and some tights that just rawk for $8.00 and they were buy one, get one ½ off. NIIIIICEEEE!!!!!

I just heard and felt a rumble. That’s another thing about living in NYC most of the time I have NO idea what’s going on. What kind of “thing” makes a rumble like that? An earthquake? God help me lol. The sirens here are what’s deafening, and FREQUENT. I think we live really close to a hospital because there are sirens every few mins.

A couple nights ago, on Saturday Bo and I had just walked Molly and we were standing on the corner just making sure she didn’t have to go anymore. All of a sudden I hear this screeching of brakes and I tell myself I am not going to look. The traffic here makes me crazier and more terrified than anything. But what do I do? Yeah, I look. As I look I see this Volvo and Hummer crash, then the Volvo crashes into a parked car, that rear ends the car in front of it and the hummer drives UP ONTO the side walk and stops a HAIR away from the chipotle window. I thought for sure it was going through the chipotle. I went to see if they were ok and the Volvo is SUCH a safe car. The girl was trapped, the driver’s side door was smashed in and she had to climb out her passenger side and she did not have even a HINT of a scratch on her. The air bags were AMAZING. They had no residue and were solid but left no burn. The side and front air bag deployed. I really admire that car!

Whew, this has been an exceedingly miscellanies and long blog but I guess I just felt the need to get this all off my chest. So, if you read the whole thing or even just a couple sentences, thanks! ;)

Much love,

Iz

Get it here, get it now!!

This is what the man said standing on the corner selling hat's, scarves, and gloves. They have this commercial on TV here that says something like: "Why do you cross the street before the cross walk blinks walk? Why do you ____ and why do you ____? (I've only seen the commercial once) Then it says: "Because your a real New Yorker"

Well my friends I am not a "real New Yorker" yet. I say that because it took me forever to become a Texan and I swore I would never be one, alas I am and I am proud of it. :)

I know this is a really shocking story but I was so blown away by it that I just want to share it.



This was just a couple blocks away from my house: www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/01/07/2011-01-07_times_square_murder_man_found_dead_in_bloodsplattered_room_at_intercontinental_h.html

This was just posted Monday about it: www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/01/10/2011-01-10_tourists_model.html?obref=obnetwork

How INSANE is that?!?!?!? Bo and I were watching soccer and this guy came in talking about how he was interviewed about it and I looked it up. The hotel is really nice, it's supposedly very new and the security on it is uber tight. I walk by it to get to the subway all the time.

Anyways, I don't feel unsafe or anything but was just blown away by that.

Bo is taking me to the Metropolitian Museam of Modern art soon and even though I am not a fan of modern art I am very excited about the expierence.

I had my first visitor to the city this week. Jonathon came to see me. It was heavenly and I loved every second of it. I will post pics on FB today. We went to Central Park and to eat at my favorite pizza place and walking around Time's Square. *sigh*

The food here is awesome. Bo has taken me to some really really great places. Speaking of Bo, I am SO proud of him! He's all enrolled in his semester and ready to go! I think classes start Jan 28th for him. GO BABY!!!!!

Molly is doing good. I am fearful of the snow melting because she won't go to the bathroom anywhere else. I had to buy her shoes because the salt hurt her paws, I will post pics n vids of that on FB because it's HYSTERICAL. So now I will need 3 jobs to keep her in shoes lol. She is my joy here. She LOVES that there are SO many people here and she gets to sniff them all. It's like a smorgas board for her lol. Her favorite thing to do is lay on our bed and look out the window, she will bark and wag her tail at all the people and other dogs every once in awhile. She's SO cute. :)

Believe it or not I have been super busy unpacking and running around and having homesick breakdowns. It's nice to have some "normal" days though.

Well, I am going to post somethings on FB, so talk to you soon!

XOXO

Iz

First post from NYC

How appropriately titled! This would indeed be my first post from NYC. *sigh*

I have been trying to keep everyone posted about what's going on and the progress of things on FB. I've posted pics and vids n' such.

I am also posting from a mac. It's odd because it knows where I am. I looked at my "dashboard" and it knows where I am! The weather, the time, but the crazy thing is I never put my location in! I think my computer is alive, psycho or stalking me!! haha I hardly know anything about a mac so this too is a journey that's not easy for me. Bo probably put it in and I am just tripping lol.

I keep thinking that I have to get on and pour out everything all at once and so I don't get on at all. If I can just post things here and there I could probably get some where! I keep a great blog in my head. In fact sometimes, I think in a blog like structure lol.

I get tired easily here it seems. I hadn't been out of the house all day, I worked from home for a while and then went to dinner with my hubby. I had a GREAT cheese burger. I should have taken a pic of it. Then we walked to meet a friend if his at a place he was working, chatted for a little bit and then came home. The thing is that you walk EVERYWHERE. We've been to BB&B twice now and it's like 20 blocks each way. It feels AMAZING to walk but its SOOOO cold! I think my butt cheeks were frozen together for like 4 hours after coming inside yesterday! I know that's not something you want to think about but that's just the reality of it folks. It's 25 degrees outside right now. I know it's only 9 in KC but the wind here just beats you to death.

I'm so cold right now. My fingers are pulling not to type. I need to take Molly outside but everything is just like nooooooooooo. (except Molly)

I wanted to post some pics tonight but I don't have the energy, I will get back on tomorrow and post some more and some pics.

This is my start!

XOXO

Bo's Isabelle

Heartfelt thoughts:

I felt like blogging today so here are my heart thoughts:

My pastor touched my life today and doesn’t even know it. I read his twitter and it said: “The road to perfection is always under construction”

WOW. How true. I think perfection is seeing flaws and loving them, and that my friend will ALWAYS be a constant lesson.

I was looking at Krista’s blog, and I heard this man with no arms and legs say if I fall it should be IMPOSSIBLE for me to get back up, but it’s now. If I try 100 times and fail, and I give up, will I ever get back up? No. But if I fail I try again, and again and again, but it’s not the end. I find the strength to get back up. And guess what……..he worked it till he got up! No arms, no legs. He put his head down and pushed.

How uncanny is that? Sometimes you have to be down to get back up, put our heads down, to get back up. I have thought a lot in the last week and a half or so of the words “reflection” and “restoration.”

Reflection: I am NOT by any means a person that claims to understand physics but, I like things that get my attention haha and when I read about reflection this is what I learned: The law of reflection simply states that the angle of reflection always equals the angle of incidence. Basically it’s the return of light, heat, sound, etc., after striking a surface. What is bounced of us metaphorically that is returned? The quote “Be the change you want to see in the world” applies here. Let me work within myself to see the things I want to come back, the things I want to “reflect.”

Restoration: Life is a battlefield sometimes and through the battle, it’s true, you get wounds, and some leave scars. Some heal and fade and you would never know they were there or even happened. Restoration means a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition. But what if……what if it will never be “the same” I think then the meaning is a renewal or a revival, to be what it was in a sense but meant to be changed.

It’s your life, what you going to do? The world is watching you. Every day, the choices you make, say what you are and who your heart beats for, it’s an open door. It’s YOUR life!

Are you who you always said you would be?

I want to be. God help me to be!

As always: make my brokenness beautiful.

Love,
Izzi

Just a few thoughts:

I’m different. I know this, but it’s only sometimes that I feel badly for it. I march to the beat of a different drum. Chances are that when I look at something, I will see if differently than anyone else. I am loyal, sensitive, and passionate. I love people for who they are, not who’ve they’ve been or who they will be. I’m not afraid of a lot in life but I will run for my life when I see a bee, wasp, or june bug within 30 feet of me. If you are in my life, I will give you unconditional love but a huge fault of mine is accepting it, but I cherish it more than anything.

I love the feeling of Christmas time. I don’t know if it’s because people are more conscious of giving and I think our world needs more of it or if it’s the warm feeling of spending time with people you love, or if it’s that people seem to be a tad more conscious that it’s the basic things in life that make us happy.

A couple days ago I’m sitting at my desk, minding my own business and all of a sudden, out of thin air I hear: hello? It was faint so I thought I was hearing things but then a couple seconds later I hear a little louder hello??? So I respond: hello?? Here I am thinking someone from thin air is talking to me, HELLO I said YES???? Just when I was about to hit my knees because I thought it was a heavenly voice, she said this is Susan with medo pharmacy………Michelle had walked away from a call she put on hold and it was on speaker. I could have choked her, but I still love Birdie. : )

I was listening to a sermon this morning and lately I’ve been thinking about how much better life would be if we applied spiritual things to loving the people in life. We know this already but it really hit me personally this morning.

“Anything worth having is worth investing in. If you don’t invest in it you’re implying it’s not worth having.” This is true with people, jobs, animals, anything really. If you want it and it’s worth it……invest in it. The things that cost the most but are priceless are time, effort and true, unconditional love.

My daily devotion this morning was on change and I want to share it:

Subject to change...

The perfect job with an ideal package comes your way. You are ecstatic and delighted. The ideal mate, who loves you more than you could imagine, becomes your spouse. You are thrilled and feel complete. A luxurious home in the most perfect neighborhood becomes yours. You are happy and glad. It is all good, but subject to change.

The beautiful car that you have been eye-balling is approved for you. You are delighted and excited. Your children are doing well and the bills are paid. Now you are pleased and at ease. You are honored for your hard work and given a promotion on your job, and now you are content and comfortable. It is all good, but subject to change.

So what happens when…?You lose your perfect job, and your ideal spouse leaves you broke and penniless. You lose the perfect home and all the contents. Your beautiful car breaks down and you cannot fix it. Your well-behaved children are gone, and they think you’re a disappointment. What happens now?

No one is looking up at you, only down at you. No one is thinking highly of you, only criticizing you. No one is encouraging you, only trying to discourage you. You don’t know where you will sleep tonight, and you don’t know what you will eat tomorrow. Your past seems so far behind; it’s as though it were a dream and not real. Your present seems so useless and uneventful as though there were no hope. Your future seems bleak, because you cannot see or think past the moment in which you are now living.So what happens now?

Now you look for that which is not subject to change…..“For I am the Lord, I do not change…” Malachi 3:6 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
Now you put your trust in God; your focus on Christ; your mind on the Lord and your belief in the Word. Now you stand on God’s Word and you walk in His principles. Now you find that what you had was temporal, but what you have now is eternal. If you want real joy and real peace; if you want real success and a real future then grab hold of the Truth.

Now this is joy…Real joy has nothing to do with your outward circumstances, but has everything to do with your inward condition and position in Christ.
Stop putting your trust in those things which are subject to change. Now put your trust in the One who never changes, but is able to change everyone and everything!

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 NKJV

So I guess I say all that to say this: I am going to try to live my life to love as you’ve never seen, even if that comes at the cost of hurt, and a broken heart, at least those scars left will be a symbol that I gave it my all. Live life for what you have right now, for the “good things” in life, what you cherish the most. Make decisions on how it will affect the people you love the most, and I think we will all make better choices.

Love you all. : )

Izzi-Beth : )

I feel like I have a million thoughts to blog. I never know who really reads this....maybe no one, maybe everyone but I will dive right in:

One miscellaneous thought I have today: Before sex and the city there was Golden girls. I STILL love this show. I catch it on re-runs everytime I can. Estelle Getty, the spicy mouth momma is gone too. :( This only leaves two girls still kickin; Rue McClanahan and Betty White. :(

Another thought, this one OUT RAGES me: the craigslist killer. OMG how DARE he have the "guts" to plead not guilty first of all. SECOND of all what the HECK kind of "reason" is it to kill someone because you "want to know what it feels like?!?!?" Heffers, let me tell you something, I would have done been in prison several times if I acted on that principle. LORD HAVE MERCY!!! And why does he remind me of Jeffrey Dahmer??? *shudders*

More later......lunch is ova rova! ;)

Izzi

Not just for beatuty......

Girls, weaves are not just for beauty…protect yourself!! haha



February 19, 2009

KANSAS CITY, MO - Other than having a bit of a headache, a Kansas City woman is uninjured after a bullet fired at her ended up tangled in her hair weave.Police said the 20-year-old woman was in a convenience store parking lot late Wednesday when a man flagged her down and told her that her ex-boyfriend still loved her. She replied, "Well I don't love him," then heard gunshots.She said she looked behind the vehicle and saw her ex-boyfriend firing a handgun at her. She stomped her accelerator and fled, then turned into another parking lot and called police. She told officers she recently had ended an eight-month relationship with the suspect.Police arrested the ex-boyfriend and his friend in a car.

Quote of the day.....

This rings so true. I will write more later.....


“If you don’t risk anything you risk even more.” - Erica Jong


Love,
Iz

Thought for the day....

I needed this today. Thank you for being in my life, I just wanted to share this. After opening up, people have started opening up to me and I realized that there are SO many people going through things right now. I am so full of thoughts for my friends and family. I love you so much, you make my life complete because you are what I live for.


“Be life long or short, its completeness depends on what it is lived for.” - David Starr Jordan

Love,
Iz

Heavy moment......

I am sad. I’m not talking just sad, I’m talking lucky charms, horses, and puppy dogs can’t even cheer me up. I am so broken. This is only the 3rd time in my life I have been this broken. That sad.


I am angry as well. Angry that people don’t think about how their actions will affect others. How they bring themselves into people’s lives and when they walk out of yours, they walk out of your family and friends as well, and don’t bother to be accountable for their actions. You put yourself in that position; the LEAST you could do is answer a phone call for the purpose of respect.


Why do people say empty words? Why do people say things they don’t mean, hoping if they say them they will feel that way? Why do people say things because it’s the heat of the moment, and how can they not realize that they are still empty words? Am I the only person left that says what I mean, and means what I say? I know I am not perfect and I still say things I don’t mean out of anger or hurt, but I try as quickly as possible to rectify that moment.


Is it possible for two people to feel the same way or does one always like/love the other more for it to work? Writing is therapy for me, so bear with me. It might not all make sense but this is how I work things out in my mind. This is not just coming from things in the last few weeks; it’s in part things I have been dealing with for the last 2 years. I guess when you partially heal or just keep trucking, it catches up with you at some point, or maybe the healing process just takes longer than you think with some things and you just think you are over them, so when those healing moments come, you realize, wow, I am still healing.


Don’t get me wrong, I have my strong moments where I feel good. Last night was hard. This morning was hard. I feel good right now.


I know if a person walks away from the best thing they will ever have, they will always compare what they had with that person to anyone they will have from there on. The important things in life are the people that are there for you when your heart is so crushed that the word crushed doesn’t even explain how your heart feels. Your heart hurts so bad, that your guts hurt. The kind of hurt that you have'nt eaten in 2 days because the thought of food makes you sick. Not because of how much you cared for that person but because you gave them the trust they asked for and they walked away from it. Simply put: you trusted them, and they betrayed that trust.

Even though Tim might not know this, I read his blog. haha. If he reads this it will probably shock him. He makes me realize the important things in life. This is a quote from a devotion that really reached my heart “It is easy for people to follow the money, the blessing, the easy way, but the presence of God often leads us through the depths of situations to reveal the power of the Lord into our lives. It is of utmost importance for our ear to be tuned to the moving of the presence of God so we can follow wherever it leads.” God is dealing with me, and I love it, but it’s NOT easy. Maybe this is a part of it. I want to be available. I want the true anointing, the kind that can’t be mistaken, imitated, the pure anointing.


God Help me, please. Make my brokenness beautiful.

All my love and heart,
Izzi

43 ODD Things about me:

1.Do you like blue cheese? Yes, especially on the black and blue salad at O’Charley’s!

2. Have you ever smoked? No

3. Do you own a gun? No, but all my uncle’s own a few ;)

4.What flavor Kool Aid? Grape, is there another flavor?? :)

5.Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Only if there is a “procedure” involved. *shutters*

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I LOVE them at baseball games, picnic’s and grill out’s, but anywhere else, it makes me sick to my stomach to even THINK about eating one.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone 1 & 2

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Ice tea with splenda :)

9. Can you do pushups? A few.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? A bracelet given to me by a doctor, my bracelet from one of my best friends for being in her wedding, and a watch. :)

11. Favorite hobby? Photography

12. Do you have ADD? I dunno, hey, what’s that over there??? lol :) Sometimes I do, depends on what I am doing.

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I over think/analyze things and my mind runs 90 to nothing at ALL times.

14. What's your middle name? Cole

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. My heart, Molly and clinic

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Rockstar, Ice tea, and Diet Pepsi

17. Current worry? Getting out of clinic

18. Current hate right now? Broken hearts.

19. Favorite place to be? With friends and family

20. How did you bring in the New Year? In Houston with my best friends

21. Where would you like to go? Somewhere tropical where the water is warm, crystal blue and I can see the bottom and there is SUN and SAND and WARMTH!!!!

22. Name three people who will complete this? Cher-Roe, Katie and Michelle

23. Do you own slippers? Yes, puppy dog ones. :)

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? White

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? LOVE them.

26. Can you whistle? Not really, it comes out as a strain lol

27. Favorite color? Pink, green and black

28. Would you be a pirate? If I could call Johnny Depp daddy lol :)

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever is on the radio, TV, or my ipod

30. Favorite Girl's Name? Rhinada

31. Favorite boy's name? Tucker Cole

32. What's in your pocket right now? Nodda

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Dr. Arakelov asking me if my boyfriend makes 6 figures

34. Worst injury you've ever had? Going through the windshield.

35. Do you love where you live? At times.

36. How many TVs do you have in your house? 6

37. Who is your loudest friend? Meredith Russell

38. How many dogs do you have? 1

39. Does someone have a crush on you? I hope so! :)

40. What is your favorite book? My planner lol :)

41. What is your favorite candy? Now and laters

42. Favorite Sports Team? STL CARDS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

43. What song do you want played at your funeral? It’s getting hot in here……so take off all your clothes LOL I dunno, I have never thought about it. Ask me later :)

Getting to know you 2009

Welcome to the new 2009 edition of getting to know your family and friends. Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. Some of you may get this several times; that means you have lots of friends. The easiest way to do it is to hit 'forward ' so you can change the answers or copy and paste. Have fun and be truthful! I want to see your answers!

1. What is your occupation right now? Nurse ratchet hahaha

2. What color are your socks right now? White and pink

3. What are you listening to right now? Carrie Underwood, last name.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Colby cheese and wheat thins

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes! LOVE them.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Lisa.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Adore her. :)

8. How old are you today? 27.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV. Baseball baby!

10. What is/are your favorite drink(s)? Mango ice tea, ice tea with splenda, diet pepsi, sugar free rockstar, red line, and sugar free monster.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes. Several years ago…..BIG mistake lol

12. Favorite food? Mexican from my favorite places in Houston, La Madeline, and Whataburger.
13. What is the last movie you watched? Another Cinderella story.

14. Favorite day of the year? It’s usually something with a holiday, like Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday, 4th of July….things like that.

15. How do you vent anger? Talk it out……which is usually a lot of talking hahaha. :) 100 MPH till I feel understood.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Grubby, Lite brite, my little pony, cabbage patch and my glow worm.

17. What is your favorite season(s)? Summer and fall.

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries.

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Absolutely!

20. Who is the most likely to respond? Your mom :)

21. Who is least likely to respond? Who knows :)

22. Your living arrangements? With my Mow Cow, but hopefully will be able to start looking for houses at some point semi-soon!

23. When was the last time you cried? Today.

24. What is on the floor of your closet? Suit cases, purses, bags and boots.

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? Drea, Kim and Ash.

26. What did you do last night? Took a friend home from work, went to the gym, another friend’s house and then home.

27. What are you most afraid of? Not doing the right thing.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Cheese or plain.

29. Favorite dog breed? My mow cow, St. Bernard, or my dream breed a King Charles Spaniel, any really, I love them all!

30. Favorite day of the week? Whatever day I can sleep in. 31. How many states have you lived in? 3

32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds, but I am not stupid, I will take pearls too. J33. What is your favorite flower? Hydrangea’s and tulips