Just another day in paradise

I'm so tired this morning. My day off was just as busy as a day at work! It was productive though so that's what matters, right? So today my mind keeps going back to a conversation a coworker and I had. A few weeks ago we had a patient code and you have to keep all of the parafanaila for lack of a better word, for so long after they pass. When I went to work and saw it all in the fridge it stopped me in my tracks. For as long as I've been in the medical field it never seems like death gets any easier for me. It's almost like my mind can't wrap it's self around the concept of here one minute and dead the next. Anyway, as I stood there looking at their blood I was like wow. They are gone and this is what's left of them. Life is in the blood and this is what's left of their life. Somber.

Anyways, so as I was talking to a coworker about it they said so since you believe life is in the blood, do you think that's where the soul lies? Humm. I had to think about it and at first I was like ok. But then I decided that I don't know if I agree. I guess if you had to place a phyisicallity to a soul I might be inclined to agree but, the soul lives on after life so where does that leave it? Just something I keep thinking about today.

Before I lay my head to rest, I just have to get this off my chest....

Today was such a productive day. I took my cupcake to see her grandma and cleaned and vacuumed my car out. But while she was taking her nap I found out something hurtful. I trusted this girl a few months ago with some personal things I was going through. Sadly today I found out she wasn't a loyal person. :( It made me so sad. I pondered on it through out the day and 4 loads of laundry, changing sheets on 3 beds and a grocery run I came to this conclusion: I'm sorry I trusted you but I feel even sorrier for you. God is coming back so fast. Blink your eye, that's how fast. In the blink of an eye. Wow. I have bigger things to worry about. Perspective can be a funny thing huh? I went through really wanting to give her a piece of my mind to my feelings being really hurt....a series of emotions but, I'm settled.

Good night world!

Heavy day off

I saw some one die today.

How do you even follow that sentence up?!? As I lay here in bed I sigh heavily and finally ponder what my mind has been chewing on all day. I know that when this man woke up this morning he didn't think about this being his last day living. As he got dressed I'm sure he didn't take into consideration about what clothes he should wear to die in today. I'm sure he wasn't checking his watch as he went through his morning saying to himself well, only a few more hours left till 11:29am and I will be laying on the side of the road, while a stranger performs CPR on me.

Death is mean. It doesn't get old or age. It doesn't care if you're ready or not when it comes.

I feel almost disgusted at the thought of saying "hold the ones you love a little tighter tonight"

I prayed for this man as I watched CPR being performed. When I saw them stop, I prayed for his family. To say I feel sad doesn't begin to decribe how I feel at the massive jumble of thoughts running through my head.

It's been a long time since I've blogged but I think to sort things out I will start again.

All my love.