I just watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy (I can see some of the smirking now) and my heart is so full. It's not because of the show, we all know the drama and some of us just waller' in it haha. It was the Christmas episode from season 6 and it was SO heartfelt. It made me laugh and feel the feelings that only Christmas can bring. It's almost unexplainable but let me try a little. It's this feeling of hope that makes your heart rise to the top of your chest cavity. It swells with the sweetest, most pure love that a human can offer. To see it would be to look at the most tremendous sparkle, so blindingly bright but you can't take your eyes off the beauty of it. The most vivid of colors that make your eyes thankful for sight. A gratefulness for the simple things. *sigh* It makes you want to give what you have to offer, the best of yourself. Being a medical show it reminds me of why I want to further my career, to give the best that I can to people. To bring healing in various forms, what a gift.
We walked to Central Park today, Molly LOVED it. She almost pulled me into the lake chasing the ducks. We watched people ice skate. This little boy, about 1 year old with the sweetest little cheeks, brown eyes and a ring around his mouth of hot chocolate fell in LOVE with Molly and they played. It was peaceful. I see why people love Central Park so much. It's a break. It made me think and ask myself who are you when people aren't watching? I wondered as people passed are you still little Ms. Tough, hide your heart because it's been so hurt? Are you Mr. Macho because of the pain of losing something or trying to keep up? The summation of my thought was sometimes, you have to lose till you win and start it all over again. Sometimes, you just have to believe it will be alright again. I had a friend tell me one time years ago "When you hear faith is blind, it's true. Sometimes you have to have faith, even when you can't see it." it's REALLY stuck with me. I didn't say these thoughts were organized, I just offered to share them haha. They somehow have an arch of relevance in my mind. ;)
Everyone knows my relationship with church has changed. I haven't been ready to talk about it till now. I still don't know exactly what to say but I will say this: I believe in the doctrine I have been raised with. I strongly agree with the salvation. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is returning. I am reading The Case For A Creator. I am praying for some clarification for some things. Heaven help us all. ;)
I look at my husband who is sitting across the room as I type this, playing the piano. He's talented and brilliant and did I mention hot? *wink* I lit this cherries jubilee candle that my precious mother-in-law sent us for Valentines day and my dog who is the sweetest thing in existence is laying on the couch full from a snack I made her and my heart is beyond brimming with love and hope and feelings of goodness.
I miss Jonathon right now. *sigh* I can talk to him about something as deep as the meaning of life or laugh about an inside joke. I miss Becca, aka Houston. Just the thought of her makes me smile. I miss Pyle. Her advice and our chats. I of course miss my family. I miss Patsy's hugs and kisses and most of all hearing her pray. I miss riding with Syd and talking about horse bidness'. I miss the smell of grass, and seeing it, even if it's yellow. I miss seeing stars, I hope they still exist lol. I miss Shirley and her wealth of knowledge and her patience to teach and ability to talk to anyone who will listen. I miss MC's sweet smile and voice. I miss Starla, for too many reasons, that's a whole blog in and of it's self. I miss Kim, the person that can relate to ANYTHING I say because she's an amazing friend like that. I miss Drea who offers the most unconditional love of anyone I know. I miss Jess, her heart of gold and humor that can knock my breath away and her loyalty. I miss the Sanders and laughing with them and playing with Owen and DJ. These are just a few things that I miss at the moment. :)
I think my occipital protuberance is crooked today lol. I know that my nose is crooked everyday but maybe that's what's wrong with me, either that or maybe it's a full moon. Which makes me think of Rainey. Miss sharing with you girl. :) Do the full moon dance for me. ;)
Till next time........
Love,
Iz
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