Nostalgia

As I am sitting here on my bedroom floor, packing boxes to move back to Kansas City, a big title wave of nostalgia hit me. It wasn't just a wave from one place in my life, it was from like 20 different places. I just wanted to write about a couple of them, just to get my thoughts out, maybe organized.

One feeling was about NYC and how in the last year it's shaped me, my marriage and so many things about my life. It's been quite the ride. The first year of marriage was HARD. I don't think anything that anyone could have said could have prepared me for it lol. Now that we are learning how to settle into it and having a baby and I am looking back on my year here in NYC I see a lot of growth to be appreciative of that I wouldn't have had probably any where else. I am thankful for it and hope that I don't look back. I don't want to be the same or digress. I hope I continue to grow and become strong. I also hope that I can use what I learned to help others, I NEVER want someone to know or have to deal too long with the feeling of loneliness I had so deep within me. I also want people to learn from example the lesson of how when we walk down the street in such a big city you don't have a choice but to rub shoulders with the rich and famous, the poor and homeless, criminals and most likely angels. People in smaller towns don't get to do that and I think we all should. I am going to make a point to serve more when I get back. In places you might not be caught dead in but I'll be there. I may not succeed in all capacities but I am going to try. It isn't contagious, it's precious because I learned a LONG time ago courtesy of Tim and Trish Sanders and Life Church in Houston that when you love the people that no one wants to love, God places the people that everyone loves in your life.

Another wave was about God. I am packing to Hillsong's song This is Our God. Powerful song. As I was listening to it I thought about when I was little and what was preached to me as a little girl. I am amazed where God as brought me from. He's freed me from man and his opinion and ruling. He's brought me to a place where I am learning to trust in him and what the meaning of leaning on him is. "It isn't God I need you NOW, I'm in trouble again I need you to get me out of this." It's this prevailing feeling that he is with you at all times, not just when you need him. It's that he is sweet enough to love you, even when you don't love yourself. I know a lot of people, maybe even people who I am closest to may not believe in him; but when you feel him he is undeniable. I don't even mind if you do or if you don't. I care yes about your soul but you are the one missing out. This is our God, this is who he is. As I was walking down the street today I heard a loud siren type of noise that sounded almost musical. For the first time in my life I wondered what song Gabriel will choose to play at the sound of the trumpet. I understood WHY it would and could be a precious sound. I get a little indignant when I think of how people can be. Don't EVER tell me my God isn't the same as yours, unless you worship the devil. He is RULER of ALL. That's our God, that's who he is. We share something so powerful and even if I don't like you as a person, we can worship under the same roof because he is OUR God. He is just and even when people don't see right or wrong, he DOES. I am so vulnerable to wrong doing but he, he is PERFECT. I can only hope that my life is one that he loves and start to make changes in my life shaped by his heart and direction.

Sometimes I think I blog because when I go back and read what I wrote I am reminded of how I felt and it puts me in check. I can't wait to see the people I love and move home.

See you SOON!