Your name just might be in this ;)

I am.....bay far.......the MOST sentimental person I know. I wish I weren't sometimes but other times I face the truth of it. I am, by far, the most sentimental person I know. I wish I remembered HALF of the things I walk around thinking about and it crosses my mind "I should blog that!" and when I sit down to blog I think "what was I thinking about again?"

I just watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy (I can see some of the smirking now) and my heart is so full. It's not because of the show, we all know the drama and some of us just waller' in it haha. It was the Christmas episode from season 6 and it was SO heartfelt. It made me laugh and feel the feelings that only Christmas can bring. It's almost unexplainable but let me try a little. It's this feeling of hope that makes your heart rise to the top of your chest cavity. It swells with the sweetest, most pure love that a human can offer. To see it would be to look at the most tremendous sparkle, so blindingly bright but you can't take your eyes off the beauty of it. The most vivid of colors that make your eyes thankful for sight. A gratefulness for the simple things. *sigh* It makes you want to give what you have to offer, the best of yourself. Being a medical show it reminds me of why I want to further my career, to give the best that I can to people. To bring healing in various forms, what a gift.

We walked to Central Park today, Molly LOVED it. She almost pulled me into the lake chasing the ducks. We watched people ice skate. This little boy, about 1 year old with the sweetest little cheeks, brown eyes and a ring around his mouth of hot chocolate fell in LOVE with Molly and they played. It was peaceful. I see why people love Central Park so much. It's a break. It made me think and ask myself who are you when people aren't watching? I wondered as people passed are you still little Ms. Tough, hide your heart because it's been so hurt? Are you Mr. Macho because of the pain of losing something or trying to keep up? The summation of my thought was sometimes, you have to lose till you win and start it all over again. Sometimes, you just have to believe it will be alright again. I had a friend tell me one time years ago "When you hear faith is blind, it's true. Sometimes you have to have faith, even when you can't see it." it's REALLY stuck with me. I didn't say these thoughts were organized, I just offered to share them haha. They somehow have an arch of relevance in my mind. ;)

Everyone knows my relationship with church has changed. I haven't been ready to talk about it till now. I still don't know exactly what to say but I will say this: I believe in the doctrine I have been raised with. I strongly agree with the salvation. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is returning. I am reading The Case For A Creator. I am praying for some clarification for some things. Heaven help us all. ;)

I look at my husband who is sitting across the room as I type this, playing the piano. He's talented and brilliant and did I mention hot? *wink* I lit this cherries jubilee candle that my precious mother-in-law sent us for Valentines day and my dog who is the sweetest thing in existence is laying on the couch full from a snack I made her and my heart is beyond brimming with love and hope and feelings of goodness.

I miss Jonathon right now. *sigh* I can talk to him about something as deep as the meaning of life or laugh about an inside joke. I miss Becca, aka Houston. Just the thought of her makes me smile. I miss Pyle. Her advice and our chats. I of course miss my family. I miss Patsy's hugs and kisses and most of all hearing her pray. I miss riding with Syd and talking about horse bidness'. I miss the smell of grass, and seeing it, even if it's yellow. I miss seeing stars, I hope they still exist lol. I miss Shirley and her wealth of knowledge and her patience to teach and ability to talk to anyone who will listen. I miss MC's sweet smile and voice. I miss Starla, for too many reasons, that's a whole blog in and of it's self. I miss Kim, the person that can relate to ANYTHING I say because she's an amazing friend like that. I miss Drea who offers the most unconditional love of anyone I know. I miss Jess, her heart of gold and humor that can knock my breath away and her loyalty. I miss the Sanders and laughing with them and playing with Owen and DJ. These are just a few things that I miss at the moment. :)

I think my occipital protuberance is crooked today lol. I know that my nose is crooked everyday but maybe that's what's wrong with me, either that or maybe it's a full moon. Which makes me think of Rainey. Miss sharing with you girl. :) Do the full moon dance for me. ;)

Till next time........

Love,

Iz

This was from 1/26/11 at 11:30am ish

"I just saw a man riding a uni cyle in Times Square"

I'm trying something new; blogging on the subway. Before I came down the title of this blog is true. I also saw a "woman" that I'm pretty sure was a man dressed as a woman in these HUGE blue surgical shoes. It's snowing today. We are supposed to get like 5 inches. I also saw a man biting his scarf. Does that make you less cold? Welcome to Times Square.

I am on my way to an appointment to get my hip taken care of. I've been in some pain with it so hopefully this will clear some of that up.

Here's my NYC thought or lesson for this morning: put your chap stick on BEFORE you leave the house.

That's it for now!

NYC and other thoughts. It's a long one folks......

I love my name. My last name was just changed. I am still getting used to it because it’s only been 3 months.

I love God, although my relationship with him has changed. I don’t really know why I am writing this. I suppose it’s to get a look at myself.

I love music, all kinds. I love Gospel, Hip hop, R&B, Jazz, even classical. I hate heavy metal or music that has bad lyric’s or ones I can’t understand because they are screaming them, stripping their voice.

I am too sensitive but that also allows me to see and sense things that most people can’t. I wonder if that’s appreciated by anyone or if it’s just an annoyance to everyone, including me.

I love mango ice tea and am sad they don’t sell it at sonic anymore. I miss sonic. I hate when people call it Sonics. I also hate when people call Wal-mart, Wal-marts or say mines instead of mine. Only one person has ever gotten away with it and that’s Jodi. I think that’s only because I used to tease her so much about it and she would laugh and that would make me laugh. I miss Wal-mart and Sonic.

It’s an odd feeling knowing that you don’t just get into your car, drive down the road, get to where you want to go, get what you want, load it up and drive home. I miss my car.

I almost look at the people here in a car with this bitterness because they are in this warm, safe environment that they can listen to their music out loud, they are out of the elements. They control the temperature lol. It’s a childish thing but I am sure I will get over it.

There really is no feeling like walking. There is also a relief in not having a car payment and insurance. I guess I am just feeling both ends of the spectrum.

I almost don’t like the feeling of realizing something so strongly. You know, when you realize WHY you feel the way you do about something. The other day I was out with a friend and I realized why I felt the way I did about some things. I was filled with regret, sadness, disappointment, anger and hurt. You don’t want it to be true, you wished you never realized it. Then, it slowly comes into focus why you are realizing this. I don’t know the point yet, but I am working on it. That might be a different blog.

I hate being misunderstood. If you know me very well you know I will talk until I almost or actually succeed at driving you nuts till you understand what I am saying. It’s annoying I know but how do you get people to understand you unless you do it till you feel like they understand?

I had my groceries delivered this morning. That was an odd feeling. It’s almost a relief because it’s only 10 degrees outside and even though I feel guilty for not going to get them, thinking about having to haul them home in 10 degree weather just makes me weighed down and distraught lol.

The sink in our kitchen drips ALL the time, a constant drip. It’s annoying. Bo says it’s like Chinese water torture and even though I am not sure what exactly that entails I agree.

People are nice here. New Yorkers are not mean, just a different breed and they all understandeach other. I read this blog and this is the TRUEST article I have read in my 3 weeks of living here.

NYC has the most extreme benefits to it, but it also requires the most extreme concessions in order to get those benefits. This makes sense. It’s how most of life is. So in order to understand how good a fit you’d be in NYC, you don’t need to look at the benefits – we all want the benefits of NYC. What you need to look at is what you give up.

Here are three questions to ask yourself. You need to answer yes to at least two in order to be a good fit in NYC.

1. Are you a maximizer?

Optimizers are people who are always looking for the best of everything. You know if you are this kind of person because you are never complacent. You are always trying to find if there is something better. It could be a someone who cuts bangs better, a better pickup basketball game, you keep trading up boyfriends, maximizers are always looking for something better, and they usually get greatness in their lives in many aspects. Non-maximizers can be satisfied with what they have. Each of us falls somewhere on this spectrum. New Yorkers skew heavily to strong maximizers.

This is because you can find pretty much the best of everything in NYC. (Yes, maybe there are some things, like the best ski slope, that you cannot find there, but if that’s what you want most, you probably shouldn’t be in NYC.)

I know you have heard that NYC is expensive. But you will never really know how insanely expensive it is until you live there. It’s like having children. Everyone will tell you having kids is really, really hard. Harder than anything they’ve ever done. And everyone will also say that after all those warnings, they still were not prepared for how hard it was when the baby came. This is what money is like in NYC – you absolutely cannot imagine how expensive it is there until you are there, living day to day.

So New Yorkers constantly have to ask themselves: What am I paying so much for? What am I suffering so much for? Life in NYC is very hard, and if you go to any city in the US, there is a bond that ex-New Yorkers have because they know they each understand how hard life was.

I say this to tell you that the only way to justify the cost and hardship of NYC is because you’re an optimizer. You appreciate having access to the best of things. Not everything – you probably have a few things that are really important to you. And you’re willing to trade off a lot of comforts to get it.

2. Do you want to be at the top of your field (or marry someone like that)?

In many cases, people have to work in NYC in order to rise to the top in their field. (Or, they want to marry someone like this – NYC is a very competitive place to find a husband but only because women recognize that the pickings are superior: Maximizing knows no bounds.)

Wanting to be at the top of your field is not for everyone. Business Week reports that eighty percent of generation Y thinks they are in the top ten percent of all workers. So a bunch of you are overestimating your capabilities, right? But the truth is that NYC is very, very competitive, because it's a magnet for ambitious, strong performers, and if you are not in the top, you will probably not do very well there. So if you do not go to NYC thinking you will work your way to the top of your field, you probably don’t need to be going there for your work.

And, of course, you do not necessarily have to live in NYC to work in NYC, but in order to get a substantially lower cost of living, you would have to move pretty far from the city. This is why New York has the longest commute times of anywhere in the country. This is a fine line to walk, though, because long commutes do a lot of damage to one’s ability to be happy. So you are probably better off paying to high price to live closer to work if you want to get to the top of your field.

3. Do you value an interesting life over happy life?

New Yorkers are not known for being happy. In fact, they are known for being unhappy, and they don’t care.

On balance, New Yorkers understand that most people who are happy are complacent – they like the status quo. And people who like what they have do not do innovative things to change the world. They like the world just fine how it is. This is probably why 95% of New Yorkers voted democrat in the last presidential election. Republicans are typically happier with their lives than democrats. And most New Yorkers are maximizers, and maximizers are almost never happy.

New Yorkers think an interesting life is more important than a happy life. What you really pay for with the exorbitant cost of living and the hard lifestyle is to be surrounded by strong performers, huge ambitions, and constant need for change and innovation. To live in New York City, you have to trade happiness for this. To most New Yorkers, it’s a no-brainer. They would take that trade any day. To most people outside of New York City the trade-off is crazy.

I don’t know if I will ever be a New Yorker but I will tell you that I am enjoying being me today. I will be honest, there are some days I don’t make it outside. There have even been a couple days where I haven’t made it out of bed really. The good news is it has gotten better. There are some great things that have happened since I’ve been here and I’ve had some great days. I am more thankful for them than I could put into words.

There is some GREAT shopping here. I have found a couple REALLY cute skirts for $9.99 and some tights that just rawk for $8.00 and they were buy one, get one ½ off. NIIIIICEEEE!!!!!

I just heard and felt a rumble. That’s another thing about living in NYC most of the time I have NO idea what’s going on. What kind of “thing” makes a rumble like that? An earthquake? God help me lol. The sirens here are what’s deafening, and FREQUENT. I think we live really close to a hospital because there are sirens every few mins.

A couple nights ago, on Saturday Bo and I had just walked Molly and we were standing on the corner just making sure she didn’t have to go anymore. All of a sudden I hear this screeching of brakes and I tell myself I am not going to look. The traffic here makes me crazier and more terrified than anything. But what do I do? Yeah, I look. As I look I see this Volvo and Hummer crash, then the Volvo crashes into a parked car, that rear ends the car in front of it and the hummer drives UP ONTO the side walk and stops a HAIR away from the chipotle window. I thought for sure it was going through the chipotle. I went to see if they were ok and the Volvo is SUCH a safe car. The girl was trapped, the driver’s side door was smashed in and she had to climb out her passenger side and she did not have even a HINT of a scratch on her. The air bags were AMAZING. They had no residue and were solid but left no burn. The side and front air bag deployed. I really admire that car!

Whew, this has been an exceedingly miscellanies and long blog but I guess I just felt the need to get this all off my chest. So, if you read the whole thing or even just a couple sentences, thanks! ;)

Much love,

Iz

Get it here, get it now!!

This is what the man said standing on the corner selling hat's, scarves, and gloves. They have this commercial on TV here that says something like: "Why do you cross the street before the cross walk blinks walk? Why do you ____ and why do you ____? (I've only seen the commercial once) Then it says: "Because your a real New Yorker"

Well my friends I am not a "real New Yorker" yet. I say that because it took me forever to become a Texan and I swore I would never be one, alas I am and I am proud of it. :)

I know this is a really shocking story but I was so blown away by it that I just want to share it.



This was just a couple blocks away from my house: www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/01/07/2011-01-07_times_square_murder_man_found_dead_in_bloodsplattered_room_at_intercontinental_h.html

This was just posted Monday about it: www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/01/10/2011-01-10_tourists_model.html?obref=obnetwork

How INSANE is that?!?!?!? Bo and I were watching soccer and this guy came in talking about how he was interviewed about it and I looked it up. The hotel is really nice, it's supposedly very new and the security on it is uber tight. I walk by it to get to the subway all the time.

Anyways, I don't feel unsafe or anything but was just blown away by that.

Bo is taking me to the Metropolitian Museam of Modern art soon and even though I am not a fan of modern art I am very excited about the expierence.

I had my first visitor to the city this week. Jonathon came to see me. It was heavenly and I loved every second of it. I will post pics on FB today. We went to Central Park and to eat at my favorite pizza place and walking around Time's Square. *sigh*

The food here is awesome. Bo has taken me to some really really great places. Speaking of Bo, I am SO proud of him! He's all enrolled in his semester and ready to go! I think classes start Jan 28th for him. GO BABY!!!!!

Molly is doing good. I am fearful of the snow melting because she won't go to the bathroom anywhere else. I had to buy her shoes because the salt hurt her paws, I will post pics n vids of that on FB because it's HYSTERICAL. So now I will need 3 jobs to keep her in shoes lol. She is my joy here. She LOVES that there are SO many people here and she gets to sniff them all. It's like a smorgas board for her lol. Her favorite thing to do is lay on our bed and look out the window, she will bark and wag her tail at all the people and other dogs every once in awhile. She's SO cute. :)

Believe it or not I have been super busy unpacking and running around and having homesick breakdowns. It's nice to have some "normal" days though.

Well, I am going to post somethings on FB, so talk to you soon!

XOXO

Iz

First post from NYC

How appropriately titled! This would indeed be my first post from NYC. *sigh*

I have been trying to keep everyone posted about what's going on and the progress of things on FB. I've posted pics and vids n' such.

I am also posting from a mac. It's odd because it knows where I am. I looked at my "dashboard" and it knows where I am! The weather, the time, but the crazy thing is I never put my location in! I think my computer is alive, psycho or stalking me!! haha I hardly know anything about a mac so this too is a journey that's not easy for me. Bo probably put it in and I am just tripping lol.

I keep thinking that I have to get on and pour out everything all at once and so I don't get on at all. If I can just post things here and there I could probably get some where! I keep a great blog in my head. In fact sometimes, I think in a blog like structure lol.

I get tired easily here it seems. I hadn't been out of the house all day, I worked from home for a while and then went to dinner with my hubby. I had a GREAT cheese burger. I should have taken a pic of it. Then we walked to meet a friend if his at a place he was working, chatted for a little bit and then came home. The thing is that you walk EVERYWHERE. We've been to BB&B twice now and it's like 20 blocks each way. It feels AMAZING to walk but its SOOOO cold! I think my butt cheeks were frozen together for like 4 hours after coming inside yesterday! I know that's not something you want to think about but that's just the reality of it folks. It's 25 degrees outside right now. I know it's only 9 in KC but the wind here just beats you to death.

I'm so cold right now. My fingers are pulling not to type. I need to take Molly outside but everything is just like nooooooooooo. (except Molly)

I wanted to post some pics tonight but I don't have the energy, I will get back on tomorrow and post some more and some pics.

This is my start!

XOXO

Bo's Isabelle

Heartfelt thoughts:

I felt like blogging today so here are my heart thoughts:

My pastor touched my life today and doesn’t even know it. I read his twitter and it said: “The road to perfection is always under construction”

WOW. How true. I think perfection is seeing flaws and loving them, and that my friend will ALWAYS be a constant lesson.

I was looking at Krista’s blog, and I heard this man with no arms and legs say if I fall it should be IMPOSSIBLE for me to get back up, but it’s now. If I try 100 times and fail, and I give up, will I ever get back up? No. But if I fail I try again, and again and again, but it’s not the end. I find the strength to get back up. And guess what……..he worked it till he got up! No arms, no legs. He put his head down and pushed.

How uncanny is that? Sometimes you have to be down to get back up, put our heads down, to get back up. I have thought a lot in the last week and a half or so of the words “reflection” and “restoration.”

Reflection: I am NOT by any means a person that claims to understand physics but, I like things that get my attention haha and when I read about reflection this is what I learned: The law of reflection simply states that the angle of reflection always equals the angle of incidence. Basically it’s the return of light, heat, sound, etc., after striking a surface. What is bounced of us metaphorically that is returned? The quote “Be the change you want to see in the world” applies here. Let me work within myself to see the things I want to come back, the things I want to “reflect.”

Restoration: Life is a battlefield sometimes and through the battle, it’s true, you get wounds, and some leave scars. Some heal and fade and you would never know they were there or even happened. Restoration means a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition. But what if……what if it will never be “the same” I think then the meaning is a renewal or a revival, to be what it was in a sense but meant to be changed.

It’s your life, what you going to do? The world is watching you. Every day, the choices you make, say what you are and who your heart beats for, it’s an open door. It’s YOUR life!

Are you who you always said you would be?

I want to be. God help me to be!

As always: make my brokenness beautiful.

Love,
Izzi

Just a few thoughts:

I’m different. I know this, but it’s only sometimes that I feel badly for it. I march to the beat of a different drum. Chances are that when I look at something, I will see if differently than anyone else. I am loyal, sensitive, and passionate. I love people for who they are, not who’ve they’ve been or who they will be. I’m not afraid of a lot in life but I will run for my life when I see a bee, wasp, or june bug within 30 feet of me. If you are in my life, I will give you unconditional love but a huge fault of mine is accepting it, but I cherish it more than anything.

I love the feeling of Christmas time. I don’t know if it’s because people are more conscious of giving and I think our world needs more of it or if it’s the warm feeling of spending time with people you love, or if it’s that people seem to be a tad more conscious that it’s the basic things in life that make us happy.

A couple days ago I’m sitting at my desk, minding my own business and all of a sudden, out of thin air I hear: hello? It was faint so I thought I was hearing things but then a couple seconds later I hear a little louder hello??? So I respond: hello?? Here I am thinking someone from thin air is talking to me, HELLO I said YES???? Just when I was about to hit my knees because I thought it was a heavenly voice, she said this is Susan with medo pharmacy………Michelle had walked away from a call she put on hold and it was on speaker. I could have choked her, but I still love Birdie. : )

I was listening to a sermon this morning and lately I’ve been thinking about how much better life would be if we applied spiritual things to loving the people in life. We know this already but it really hit me personally this morning.

“Anything worth having is worth investing in. If you don’t invest in it you’re implying it’s not worth having.” This is true with people, jobs, animals, anything really. If you want it and it’s worth it……invest in it. The things that cost the most but are priceless are time, effort and true, unconditional love.

My daily devotion this morning was on change and I want to share it:

Subject to change...

The perfect job with an ideal package comes your way. You are ecstatic and delighted. The ideal mate, who loves you more than you could imagine, becomes your spouse. You are thrilled and feel complete. A luxurious home in the most perfect neighborhood becomes yours. You are happy and glad. It is all good, but subject to change.

The beautiful car that you have been eye-balling is approved for you. You are delighted and excited. Your children are doing well and the bills are paid. Now you are pleased and at ease. You are honored for your hard work and given a promotion on your job, and now you are content and comfortable. It is all good, but subject to change.

So what happens when…?You lose your perfect job, and your ideal spouse leaves you broke and penniless. You lose the perfect home and all the contents. Your beautiful car breaks down and you cannot fix it. Your well-behaved children are gone, and they think you’re a disappointment. What happens now?

No one is looking up at you, only down at you. No one is thinking highly of you, only criticizing you. No one is encouraging you, only trying to discourage you. You don’t know where you will sleep tonight, and you don’t know what you will eat tomorrow. Your past seems so far behind; it’s as though it were a dream and not real. Your present seems so useless and uneventful as though there were no hope. Your future seems bleak, because you cannot see or think past the moment in which you are now living.So what happens now?

Now you look for that which is not subject to change…..“For I am the Lord, I do not change…” Malachi 3:6 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
Now you put your trust in God; your focus on Christ; your mind on the Lord and your belief in the Word. Now you stand on God’s Word and you walk in His principles. Now you find that what you had was temporal, but what you have now is eternal. If you want real joy and real peace; if you want real success and a real future then grab hold of the Truth.

Now this is joy…Real joy has nothing to do with your outward circumstances, but has everything to do with your inward condition and position in Christ.
Stop putting your trust in those things which are subject to change. Now put your trust in the One who never changes, but is able to change everyone and everything!

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 NKJV

So I guess I say all that to say this: I am going to try to live my life to love as you’ve never seen, even if that comes at the cost of hurt, and a broken heart, at least those scars left will be a symbol that I gave it my all. Live life for what you have right now, for the “good things” in life, what you cherish the most. Make decisions on how it will affect the people you love the most, and I think we will all make better choices.

Love you all. : )

Izzi-Beth : )